4 words: hood of his car
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
