end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
