Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
