Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
