We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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