dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
