about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I will pee on everything he values.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
