you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
