I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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