I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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