the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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