a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
