She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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