I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
