You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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