life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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