I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
