This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
