im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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