i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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