my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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