he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
