After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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