I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
