I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
