I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
