I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
