I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
