I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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