I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
