The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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