Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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