I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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