My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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