Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
false alarm, still single
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
