I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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