dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
