Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Randomize
