I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
