everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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