You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
