we're blogging at a bar
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
