Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I supernannyed him into submission
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
