Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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