U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
