Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
