Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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