So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
