I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
