I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
