Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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