You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
