We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
