im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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